Thursday, March 28, 2013
...and how does that make you feel?
Whoa guys. WHOA.
I know that it has been quite awhile since I've posted here, but I guess it's to-be-expected from a double majoring college kid... adult. CRAP! See?! I feel like I'm wasting away. Don't get me wrong, I love college [queue Asher Roth] and I love meeting new people, discussing important topics and concepts in an academic setting... however the stress can really get to you.
For instance, I quit my job last week to become a full-time student until the end of the semester (finals prep + work = overload). It feels so good to be able to concentrate fully on school and my studies, but I still feel like there aren't enough hours in the day to complete everything wholeheartedly. I'm doing the best I can the best ways that I know how. Once I realized maybe a job isn't the only reason why I'm not completely succeeding I started looking at everything else. Is it because I'm a double-major? Is it because I have a hard time focusing? Did I take on too much? Is my commute too long? Should I be living closer to campus? Should I stop my extra-curricular activities? Or at least cut back on officer duties? Should I meditate more?
A million-billion questions and doubts are in my head and I feel paralyzed; deer in headlights syndrome.
This makes me think maybe I'm not cut out to be a physician.
Here's a good way to put it... and I want all to know, everything here is 100% honest. I'm actually in a funk right now with a chemistry exam tomorrow and other stuff to do, but I have been having the most ridiculous time focusing and doing well; those two goals are causal... you need to focus in order to do well. *Biggest downside to being a double-major (especially considering the 180 degree rotation on content) is by the time you get settled in one train-of-thought or concern, whether political or just mentally reaffirming something sciency like Kreb's Cycle in your brain while walking from class to class, you have to immediately push all of that aside, completely, and focus on that other something. I'm not sure about you, but I am not (lucky enough to be) medicated with things like Adderall and Vyvanse or whatever... I barely like to take ibuprofen or aspirin! Maybe I should look into it, or talk to a doctor about it, but I don't want to be reliant on pharmaceuticals... especially amphetamine-based ones!
I am SO incredibly thankful to be where I am right now... and to have these problems. I'm so grateful that these are the worst of life's troubles for me at this moment. There is nothing I'd rather have than a genuine college education, and a fire in my soul to help those in my community, country and world through many means.
All of this makes me think that there are other options, but I know (or think I know) what I want. However, the future is contingent and every second I make choices... I will never know the results of these choices beforehand or as I make them... only after the fact. I just need to center myself and get back in touch with my instincts and figure out what my passions are again.
Meditation, here I come. Namaste.
I know that it has been quite awhile since I've posted here, but I guess it's to-be-expected from a double majoring college kid... adult. CRAP! See?! I feel like I'm wasting away. Don't get me wrong, I love college [queue Asher Roth] and I love meeting new people, discussing important topics and concepts in an academic setting... however the stress can really get to you.
For instance, I quit my job last week to become a full-time student until the end of the semester (finals prep + work = overload). It feels so good to be able to concentrate fully on school and my studies, but I still feel like there aren't enough hours in the day to complete everything wholeheartedly. I'm doing the best I can the best ways that I know how. Once I realized maybe a job isn't the only reason why I'm not completely succeeding I started looking at everything else. Is it because I'm a double-major? Is it because I have a hard time focusing? Did I take on too much? Is my commute too long? Should I be living closer to campus? Should I stop my extra-curricular activities? Or at least cut back on officer duties? Should I meditate more?
A million-billion questions and doubts are in my head and I feel paralyzed; deer in headlights syndrome.
This makes me think maybe I'm not cut out to be a physician.
Here's a good way to put it... and I want all to know, everything here is 100% honest. I'm actually in a funk right now with a chemistry exam tomorrow and other stuff to do, but I have been having the most ridiculous time focusing and doing well; those two goals are causal... you need to focus in order to do well. *Biggest downside to being a double-major (especially considering the 180 degree rotation on content) is by the time you get settled in one train-of-thought or concern, whether political or just mentally reaffirming something sciency like Kreb's Cycle in your brain while walking from class to class, you have to immediately push all of that aside, completely, and focus on that other something. I'm not sure about you, but I am not (lucky enough to be) medicated with things like Adderall and Vyvanse or whatever... I barely like to take ibuprofen or aspirin! Maybe I should look into it, or talk to a doctor about it, but I don't want to be reliant on pharmaceuticals... especially amphetamine-based ones!
I am SO incredibly thankful to be where I am right now... and to have these problems. I'm so grateful that these are the worst of life's troubles for me at this moment. There is nothing I'd rather have than a genuine college education, and a fire in my soul to help those in my community, country and world through many means.
All of this makes me think that there are other options, but I know (or think I know) what I want. However, the future is contingent and every second I make choices... I will never know the results of these choices beforehand or as I make them... only after the fact. I just need to center myself and get back in touch with my instincts and figure out what my passions are again.
Meditation, here I come. Namaste.
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